Patience

The.hardest.thing.ever. I am not a patient person at all. I want answers and I want them now. I want to know my task ahead at work. I want to know where we are going for dinner and what's on the menu before I even get there. I want to know what the plans are for Saturday on Monday! So you can imagine how impatient I am with that ticking clock in the back of my mind telling me "um, you're getting older and you can't have kids when you're 40!"

This impatience has gotten me into BIG trouble over the last 32 years. I have filled the void with the wrong things just to satisfy my impatience. Have you ever left a job you didn't enjoy just to take another job you didn't realize you weren't going to enjoy either because you didn't consult with God about it? Have you ever gotten out of one relationship and just filled it with the next thing that came along without looking to God first? Yea, well so have I. 

Do you realize that because of your impatient reactions, you are actually prolonging your wait for what God has for you?  Mistake after mistake happens and you prolong your destiny. Learn from my lessons learned. I realize that I could already have many of my desires if I had just taken my decisions to God first. I have heard it said "a righteous person trusts God but a proud person depends on himself to make things happen."  I have been so proud for so long. I was TOO proud to be single. I was TOO proud to start from the bottom to get the job I wanted, and the list of my proud moments goes on. 

Is this you too? I know waiting is hard but the consequences of our impatience is harder. Don't you trust that the God who created the earth can certainly bring you your desires and at the right time? Gods timing is perfect just like everything else he does. 

Right now I'm in a season of waiting. But I am learning to trust and to be certain in God's promise to "give me the desires of my heart" (Psalm 37:4). When I start to get impatient I remind myself that the waiting process is actually preparing me for my answer. If I have my answer too early, I may not know how to receive it!
Often times, I question if my answer is already in my life and I am left with uncertainty. This is when I remind myself to remain in Gods presence until he changes my uncertainty. This will not only bring you exactly what God wants for you but it will also bring you peace. 

God said "I am doing something in your days that you would not believe if you were told" (Hab 1:5). I don't know about you but that's something I am willing to wait for! Be patient. It's coming! 

 

All I Need to Know

Disconnected. That's the best way to describe it. For the last month or so, I felt this strange “unsettling” feeling in my core.  Back in the day, this was a normal feeling that I walked around with daily without much thought.  But since I turned my life over to God, I’ve walked with a peace that was unshakeable, so this unsettling feeling was much louder this time around.  What is going on?  Why am I feeling like this? God, are you here?

At first, I ignored it and went about my days.  I thought if I just continued praying and doing all my bible studies, showing up for church etc., that I would eventually feel like God was close to me again and it would just go away.  But, it didn’t.  Then one day the feeling became so overwhelming, I just couldn’t pretend anymore.  So there I was on my knees, hands folded, “GOD! I NEED YOU!  Why do I feel like this?  What is it you want to tell me?  What am I not hearing?  What am I not doing?”  Then I just went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, and like I do every morning, I laid there reading my morning bible app like “one eyed Willy” still having trouble opening my eyes for the day.  Then the bullets started coming at me from every direction.

First I read, “Salvation is found in NO ONE else, for there is NO OTHER name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” –Acts 4:12.

The next thing I did was log onto Facebook and I see “The only relationship that will complete you is one with Christ.” 

Then I walk into my bathroom to get ready for work, turn on music and the song “First” comes on.  The lyrics are “Before I bring my need, I will bring my heart.  I want to seek You FIRST.”  

ALL of these messages were hitting me HARD.  In the Acts verse- “Salvation is found in NO ONE else” spoke to me due to the thoughts that have consumed me lately, which I will get to in a minute.  And then the FB post about my relationship with God being the only one that will complete me and the song about putting God first, I realized were the answers to all my questions in my prayer from the night before.  Let me explain.

If you have been following my blog posts you know that my “no dating” rule that I put in place for myself was lifted this month and I was open to the thought of dating again if God gave me the green light.  I wasn’t out pursuing a relationship but I was open to God bringing the possibility of one- or “so I thought” that’s what I was doing. In reality, the only thing that I have been concerning my thoughts with is dating!

My prayers have gone pretty much like this lately- “Hi God! If blah blah is the one for me or if blah blah blah is, please make it clear to me. And if they aren't the one for me, please shut the door on it. And whoever my husband is let him see clearly when he meets me that I am his wife. Oh yea and thank you for everyone and everything in my life.  Amen.”  Alright, alright, they weren’t that dismissive but you get the picture. 

No wonder I was so off balance! The only thing God heard from me about for the last month was dating.  Gosh, how annoying I must have been! I didn’t ask God on a daily basis what he wanted FROM ME.  I just wanted his help.  I didn’t praise him the way I should or focus on His will for my life.  I was solely focused on MY WILL for my life.  “What would you have me do, where would you have me go and what would you have me say today Lord?”  All those words used to be part of my prayer but I left them out because I became so focused on my needs and wants.

How can I even follow God’s will for my life if I’m not focusing on him at all?  I can’t expect to be guided if I have tunnel vision. God reminded me that morning that he comes first and inevitably from that I would be on the right path and all the right people and things would be in my life. So there is no reason to put anything before him. Ask yourself, are you only taking one thing to God and not really having a true relationship with him? Are you not allowing him to work in your life because you are only focusing on your need? That is what I was doing.

So what did I learn when I finally got in prayer that night and asked God what he was trying to teach me? Let him lead. If God is first, there is NO way you can fail in any part of your life.  If God is first in your life, you will not miss his plan for your relationship, career, or any other important decision. And honestly, for the rest of my life, that may be all I need to know. 

The beauty of just letting go.....

I worry.  Ok, I worry A LOT.   I don’t know if it’s a woman thing or a motherly quality thing or just a human thing, but I worry about EVERYTHING.  I worry when no one answers the phone at my parent’s house. I worry if I’m doing enough and is this the path God has for me?  I worry about getting older and not being able to have children. I worry about missing out on the man that God has for me because of my own superficial thoughts and thoughts like “what would everyone else think if I was with this guy?” So yea, did I mention I worry?

There I sat this week praying about what to write about today and I wasn’t getting an answer from God like I had in the past weeks.  I was walking around praying and thinking about it and I got NOTHING.  Until last night, I was on my knees in my living room picking up a pillow to put on my chair and I looked up and saw the picture that I’ve looked at SO many times, but this time it was like God lit it up with a billion tiny lights. This picture, written in gold says, “She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” –Proverbs 31.  Wow!  It HIT me.  Just like that.  She laughs without fear of the future.  “Could you imagine a peace such as that? Being so strong in your faith that no one and no thing could shake you?” I thought to myself.  Well, I want that! 

I know God wants my faith to conquer my fears.  I know that God will work everything out for my good even when I don’t see a way.  I know that God’s plan for me is amazing and I literally have NOTHING to worry about.  If God’s plan for me is to be a mother to an adopted child, then I accept that!  If God’s plan is for me to be single and help other single women in this life, then I accept that and I bet it would be a beautiful life!  If God has me let go of a parent early, I know it’s for a good reason- HIS reason!  God’s plan is SO much better than mine.  So why do I keep trying to control everything myself?  Why don’t I just surrender it all to him when I KNOW that I am safe in his hands?

Luke 12:25 says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” And Matthew 6:26 says “Therefore do not worry about what you will eat. Look at the birds of the air. They don’t plant or harvest or store up food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him?” 

God has US! We are valuable to him.  We can’t worry our way into goodness.  His plan for me is far more beautiful than one I could ever plan for myself.  I have to let go and give him my worries.  Even though the plan may not look like what I thought it would, I know it will be God’s plan and God does BIG things.

 I hope you have the strength today to surrender control.  I hope you have the strength today to dig your feet in and have faith.  I hope you can laugh without fear of the future because you know who your God is.  Together, let’s make a decision to Let go and Let God! What do ya say?

Switch Teams

I’m supposed to be this good woman.  This new creation in Christ because I was baptized and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit would rule my life now right? A big fat WRONG.

I fail.  And it’s not like a little tiny fail like “I was texting at work and being disobedient” kind of fail.  I mean I fail like “I am filled with anger and hatred about people and if I didn't get in trouble for it, I’d like to punch them in the face and the words that would come out of my mouth would not be pleasing to the Lord” kind of fail.  Sorry. I know that sounded harsh but I am keeping it real. Do you have people in your life like that?  People that literally could just make you so angry that if it tips the other way you could just cry?   They’ve hurt you.   They’ve wronged you.  They may be in your life still. But for some of you, they may be out of your life and are still hurting you from afar and they don’t even know they are doing it! Now that’s crazy right? No. I’m here to tell you, it’s not! It happens to all of us.  But the one thing that drives out hate is, you guessed it, LOVE.

You’re probably thinking the last feeling you want to have for that person is love for many reasons.  Especially for those of you that have done everything to stop loving this person because they don’t seem to love you the right way or at all.  But trust me when I tell you this- it’s the ONLY way. It’s tough to love a person like this but if you can get there, you will have complete and utter FREEDOM! I love that word by the way. 

Anyway, I was held captive by this hatred.  I was literally in the jail of my mind with this person for days wanting all their flaws to be revealed to the world and I wanted all the horrible things this person did to be put on the cover of a newspaper if I had my way. But without fail, a perfect God peacefully whispered something to my heart that made me realize I was working with the devil.  “What about love?” were the gentle words placed on me.  At that moment I realized I was throwing out everything that God wanted and was only concentrating on “poor ole me.” Do you remember what God wants for all of us?  It’s not just about you.  God wants that person to be well. God created that person to hopefully one day bring him glory.  God wants them to reach their full potential.  So here I was saying how much I loved God, yet I was rooting against him.  Why am I opposing what God wants?  Whose team am I on?  Why would I want a person to fail when that’s not what the Lord that I love so dearly wants for them? Why am I rooting against God? 

I know it’s hard.  But we have to get on God’s side. We have to root for what the Lord is rooting for.  So think about what that might look like.  Right now, take your anger and put it aside and write down what you think the Lord wants for that person.  And in your prayer for the next 30 days, pray for what God’s praying for.  Right now your jersey says you play for “The Fighters” but if you pray God’s prayers, your jersey will soon say “The Free.” God is urging you.  Switch teams.

When the struggle is REAL...

Uh. That thing.  Like a needle in the side. That one thing you need to let go of so that you can grow and be better but you keep going back to it because it’s comfortable or fun or satisfying in the moment.  Whether it’s a relationship, habit or both, we’ve all got them.  But how do we face them?  How do we let them go once and for all?  We know it’s SO not good for us, yet we continue to let it rule our thoughts, our feelings and sometimes even our lives.

Do you know what your struggle is?  Ya know, the one that is so real that after you’ve gone back to that place, it gives you this painstaking guilt that ruins you for days or sends you in a downward spiral?  Contrary to what you may think, this is actually really good news!  There is a positive in this.  It means you are being worked on.  If you didn’t feel that tap on the shoulder saying “I don’t want this for you” then it means you haven’t asked God to change you. But YOU HAVE.  And you deserve a huge pat on the back.  Many people have struggles that they ignore and never let themselves be changed because they convince themselves that what they are doing is right.  But you have allowed something greater than you to start a work in your heart.

So let’s go back to “that thing.”  The one you say you’ll never go back to but you’ve found yourself there again.  Hold on to that thought for a moment.  Hold on to the very thought of that person, place or thing, take a deep breath and say “I release this from me. I release this to something so much bigger than me.  It is no longer mine and it I give it to you God.”  Then also remember it is so important not to hate the thing that you need to let go of.  Hate is a strong emotion that will keep you bonded to it.  Instead, do the opposite. Pray for the very thing that seems attached to you.  Pray the words:

 “Dear Lord, I pray for this struggle.  I pray that it leaves my life because it is not for me.  I pray for this struggle with loving thoughts.  I know you Lord and I know that this is something that you will overcome because you are my strength.  I can’t do this on my own but I know with you anything is possible.” 

Are you already feeling better?  THAT is the power of prayer.  Now imagine doing these two things every day, more than once a day.  Imagine the result it would produce.  It’s not always easy to fight these battles but there is a verse in Exodus that says “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still,” and I believe with my whole heart that it is referring to being still in prayer and letting the Lord fight for you.  I’ve seen first-hand so many of my own battles won in prayer.  I’ve come a long way by fighting battles on my knees.  I am still being perfected every day. I still have so many struggles to get past and as life goes on, there’s always going to be another battle to fight but it sure is comforting to know that there is someone fighting with me and He is the overcomer of all overcomers!  He cheated death so don’t doubt for a second that he won’t win your battle for you.

So yes, the struggle is real.  But those still moments are some of the best moments of my life and I know they will be some of yours too.  I promise.  And remember, don’t beat yourself up if you fail a time or two.  God’s grace is sufficient for you. Receive his Grace and don’t hold on to past mistakes. Let them only catapult you to greatness!