The beauty of just letting go.....

I worry.  Ok, I worry A LOT.   I don’t know if it’s a woman thing or a motherly quality thing or just a human thing, but I worry about EVERYTHING.  I worry when no one answers the phone at my parent’s house. I worry if I’m doing enough and is this the path God has for me?  I worry about getting older and not being able to have children. I worry about missing out on the man that God has for me because of my own superficial thoughts and thoughts like “what would everyone else think if I was with this guy?” So yea, did I mention I worry?

There I sat this week praying about what to write about today and I wasn’t getting an answer from God like I had in the past weeks.  I was walking around praying and thinking about it and I got NOTHING.  Until last night, I was on my knees in my living room picking up a pillow to put on my chair and I looked up and saw the picture that I’ve looked at SO many times, but this time it was like God lit it up with a billion tiny lights. This picture, written in gold says, “She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” –Proverbs 31.  Wow!  It HIT me.  Just like that.  She laughs without fear of the future.  “Could you imagine a peace such as that? Being so strong in your faith that no one and no thing could shake you?” I thought to myself.  Well, I want that! 

I know God wants my faith to conquer my fears.  I know that God will work everything out for my good even when I don’t see a way.  I know that God’s plan for me is amazing and I literally have NOTHING to worry about.  If God’s plan for me is to be a mother to an adopted child, then I accept that!  If God’s plan is for me to be single and help other single women in this life, then I accept that and I bet it would be a beautiful life!  If God has me let go of a parent early, I know it’s for a good reason- HIS reason!  God’s plan is SO much better than mine.  So why do I keep trying to control everything myself?  Why don’t I just surrender it all to him when I KNOW that I am safe in his hands?

Luke 12:25 says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” And Matthew 6:26 says “Therefore do not worry about what you will eat. Look at the birds of the air. They don’t plant or harvest or store up food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him?” 

God has US! We are valuable to him.  We can’t worry our way into goodness.  His plan for me is far more beautiful than one I could ever plan for myself.  I have to let go and give him my worries.  Even though the plan may not look like what I thought it would, I know it will be God’s plan and God does BIG things.

 I hope you have the strength today to surrender control.  I hope you have the strength today to dig your feet in and have faith.  I hope you can laugh without fear of the future because you know who your God is.  Together, let’s make a decision to Let go and Let God! What do ya say?

Switch Teams

I’m supposed to be this good woman.  This new creation in Christ because I was baptized and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit would rule my life now right? A big fat WRONG.

I fail.  And it’s not like a little tiny fail like “I was texting at work and being disobedient” kind of fail.  I mean I fail like “I am filled with anger and hatred about people and if I didn't get in trouble for it, I’d like to punch them in the face and the words that would come out of my mouth would not be pleasing to the Lord” kind of fail.  Sorry. I know that sounded harsh but I am keeping it real. Do you have people in your life like that?  People that literally could just make you so angry that if it tips the other way you could just cry?   They’ve hurt you.   They’ve wronged you.  They may be in your life still. But for some of you, they may be out of your life and are still hurting you from afar and they don’t even know they are doing it! Now that’s crazy right? No. I’m here to tell you, it’s not! It happens to all of us.  But the one thing that drives out hate is, you guessed it, LOVE.

You’re probably thinking the last feeling you want to have for that person is love for many reasons.  Especially for those of you that have done everything to stop loving this person because they don’t seem to love you the right way or at all.  But trust me when I tell you this- it’s the ONLY way. It’s tough to love a person like this but if you can get there, you will have complete and utter FREEDOM! I love that word by the way. 

Anyway, I was held captive by this hatred.  I was literally in the jail of my mind with this person for days wanting all their flaws to be revealed to the world and I wanted all the horrible things this person did to be put on the cover of a newspaper if I had my way. But without fail, a perfect God peacefully whispered something to my heart that made me realize I was working with the devil.  “What about love?” were the gentle words placed on me.  At that moment I realized I was throwing out everything that God wanted and was only concentrating on “poor ole me.” Do you remember what God wants for all of us?  It’s not just about you.  God wants that person to be well. God created that person to hopefully one day bring him glory.  God wants them to reach their full potential.  So here I was saying how much I loved God, yet I was rooting against him.  Why am I opposing what God wants?  Whose team am I on?  Why would I want a person to fail when that’s not what the Lord that I love so dearly wants for them? Why am I rooting against God? 

I know it’s hard.  But we have to get on God’s side. We have to root for what the Lord is rooting for.  So think about what that might look like.  Right now, take your anger and put it aside and write down what you think the Lord wants for that person.  And in your prayer for the next 30 days, pray for what God’s praying for.  Right now your jersey says you play for “The Fighters” but if you pray God’s prayers, your jersey will soon say “The Free.” God is urging you.  Switch teams.

When the struggle is REAL...

Uh. That thing.  Like a needle in the side. That one thing you need to let go of so that you can grow and be better but you keep going back to it because it’s comfortable or fun or satisfying in the moment.  Whether it’s a relationship, habit or both, we’ve all got them.  But how do we face them?  How do we let them go once and for all?  We know it’s SO not good for us, yet we continue to let it rule our thoughts, our feelings and sometimes even our lives.

Do you know what your struggle is?  Ya know, the one that is so real that after you’ve gone back to that place, it gives you this painstaking guilt that ruins you for days or sends you in a downward spiral?  Contrary to what you may think, this is actually really good news!  There is a positive in this.  It means you are being worked on.  If you didn’t feel that tap on the shoulder saying “I don’t want this for you” then it means you haven’t asked God to change you. But YOU HAVE.  And you deserve a huge pat on the back.  Many people have struggles that they ignore and never let themselves be changed because they convince themselves that what they are doing is right.  But you have allowed something greater than you to start a work in your heart.

So let’s go back to “that thing.”  The one you say you’ll never go back to but you’ve found yourself there again.  Hold on to that thought for a moment.  Hold on to the very thought of that person, place or thing, take a deep breath and say “I release this from me. I release this to something so much bigger than me.  It is no longer mine and it I give it to you God.”  Then also remember it is so important not to hate the thing that you need to let go of.  Hate is a strong emotion that will keep you bonded to it.  Instead, do the opposite. Pray for the very thing that seems attached to you.  Pray the words:

 “Dear Lord, I pray for this struggle.  I pray that it leaves my life because it is not for me.  I pray for this struggle with loving thoughts.  I know you Lord and I know that this is something that you will overcome because you are my strength.  I can’t do this on my own but I know with you anything is possible.” 

Are you already feeling better?  THAT is the power of prayer.  Now imagine doing these two things every day, more than once a day.  Imagine the result it would produce.  It’s not always easy to fight these battles but there is a verse in Exodus that says “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still,” and I believe with my whole heart that it is referring to being still in prayer and letting the Lord fight for you.  I’ve seen first-hand so many of my own battles won in prayer.  I’ve come a long way by fighting battles on my knees.  I am still being perfected every day. I still have so many struggles to get past and as life goes on, there’s always going to be another battle to fight but it sure is comforting to know that there is someone fighting with me and He is the overcomer of all overcomers!  He cheated death so don’t doubt for a second that he won’t win your battle for you.

So yes, the struggle is real.  But those still moments are some of the best moments of my life and I know they will be some of yours too.  I promise.  And remember, don’t beat yourself up if you fail a time or two.  God’s grace is sufficient for you. Receive his Grace and don’t hold on to past mistakes. Let them only catapult you to greatness!

The Waiting Game > The Dating Game

So there I sat last week, excited that my day to finally date again was coming up, all of a sudden fear started not only to creep in but FLOOD! Where the heck did all this come from?

Let me start from the beginning. After I ended my most recent two year codependent relationship built on insecurities from the both of us, I promised myself I wasn’t going to date for 6 months. I was determined to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships and make sure I was whole and healthy for an amazing whole and healthy man.  But as old habits go, they don’t die easy.  After 3 months of singleness, (which was actually a long time for me, as opposed to my usual two weeks) I broke my promise and started doing the EXACT opposite of what I learned, “Let the guy pursue you. Let God bring the right man in your life. Don’t look for him- God will bring him to you.”  Well wasn’t a Facebook request good enough? That was pursuing me, right? Gosh he was cute…like REALLY cute. And he says he loves God! Ok, I’m interested!  We dated and boy did my impatience and disobedience bite me in the butt!  I don’t doubt that the guy loved God, but he also still loved his ex. And on top of that neither of us were as mature in our spiritual walk as we’d hoped to have the Christian relationship we sought after and I fell flat on my face and was left hurting. I reaped the painful reward from trying to make things work my way instead of Gods way. I was brought to my knees and I surrendered.  Just like that hand game “Mercy” we played as kids.  “Mercy, mercy- God do it your way!”  I picked myself back up and started over.  My 6 months became another 6 months.  And I can honestly say, I’ve been as obedient as one could be and now I've reaped the amazing rewards.

The last 5 months have been great!  I haven’t laughed this much or felt this free since I was 16.  I’ve grown.  I’ve moved out on my own and every night I sing to the top of my lungs without anyone yelling at me to shut up (Lol)! I’ve made unbelievable relationships with the opposite sex without any guilt.  And for the most part, I’m pretty healthy in every sense of the word.  I was even forced to face one of my biggest fears and watch my ex get into a relationship while I’ve been single (which was one of the main reasons I got into relationships so quickly in my past.) I thought I’d never survive that. Of course there was pain and it got a little messy but I’m still standing!

So where is this FEAR coming from?  Hadn’t I faced it all? Hadn’t I broken the cycle? All these negative thoughts like “what if I’m too picky and I miss the guy God has for me?”  “What if I’m not picky enough and I end up settling again? What if a friendship gets screwed up because of a date?” And the band of worries came marching in with their loud noisy selves.  I was putting all this pressure on myself.  I was putting all this pressure on dating and what would happen.  That’s when I reached out for Godly advice and like God said “seek and ye shall find.”  

The person gave me solid advice and then sent me a book about dating. I opened the first chapter and there were the words “We are called to love as Jesus loves.”  Powerful.  It expressed how dating to fulfill our own desires was not the way that Jesus loved us.  It said Christian love is about fulfilling the other person’s desires not our own and that dating a person before knowing that they are “the one” is selfish really.  It causes hurt, pain and more sin in the lives of both involved.  This shook me!  The author also drove home the point to put God first and then just hang out with the opposite sex, create true friendships, then God would one day make it clear to me who the one is that he has for me.  And that we would naturally get to the point where we would look at each other and say, “I want to date you to marry you.”  Immediately, I felt like pounds of bricks were lifted off my shoulders.  I felt God’s promise.  I felt him say “Trust me, there’s nothing you can do to miss the man I have for you.”

God doesn’t want us to worry. God wants us to pursue him and focus on him and allow him to do the work.  Waiting can of course cause us some pain but it breeds patience and brings God’s best. Whereas dating for the wrong reasons can cause a lot more pain than waiting ever did!  The waiting game is greater than the dating game. God won’t let you down. He promised. :) 

Deuteronomy 31:8- “GOD is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry."

 

Who does He say you are??

Paul said,  “Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?  Or am I striving to please men?  If I were still trying to please men then I wouldn’t be a servant of Christ.” (Gal. 1:10)  This verse reminds us that the only opinion that matters is God’s.  Right?

Ok. So I’m going to get really honest about a struggle of mine.  It’s hard to say because when you bare a weakness, you feel like you’re naked in front of the person you told your weakness to.   So here it goes….”I.care.about.what.people.think.of.me.”  Uh.  This may sound crazy but that’s actually really tough for me to admit. But anyway, maybe some of you can relate? Or maybe all of you? Let’s get really REAL with ourselves.  I know some people brag about how they don’t care what people think about them, but I tend to believe the ones who say that the most are the ones who mean it the least. 

I chose this topic tonight because I knew that it would resonate in a lot of people’s hearts and I also chose it because I am facing this obstacle as we speak.  I hear things about myself and my first line of offense is defense.  I want to fight back.  I want to attack.  And I don’t even want to stop there.  I want to get back at my offender.  Remind you of anyone yet?

In my heart, I know that no matter what I say back won’t change the words already spoken nor will it take my pain away. I’ve learned that it actually only makes me feel worse!  So why when someone slanders my name, do I still yearn to hurt them back knowing it’s just going to come back and hurt me? Even that “sticks and stones” rhyme we said as children says: “Whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you!”  As silly as that rhyme was, it was TRUE!

Ignore the words of others.  Like Paul said, their opinion doesn’t matter. God wants us to find who we are in Him.  He says we are “children of the most high”, “daughters and sons of the one true King,”  “precious,” we come from “royal bloodlines,” and the list goes on and on.  Whenever someone says something negative, remind yourself of WHO YOU ARE! Don’t allow the comments of others to pierce your heart.  Allow Gods Word to be your rock! Repeat to yourself at times like these, “On Christ the solid rock I stand!”  It’s tough, I know! But I also know it’s possible.

And lastly, when you keep a good heart during these times, God offered us this promise-

“and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.”  1 Peter 3:16

With that said, rest easy in God’s truth- not mans.

Dirty Word?

Obedience- That word!   A word I have always loathed.  It always seemed to keep me in a box- at least in my mind. I was one of those girls that didn’t like rules and felt no one should have authority over what I say, think or do.  I was a free spirit with the heart of a fighter.   Maybe because of the abuse I endured in my romantic relationships.  But the more “freedom” I exercised and the more fight I put up, the more I found I was hurting myself over and over AND over.

“Don’t tell me I have to leave the bar!”, “don’t tell me I’m not having another!”, “don’t tell me not to dance like that!”.  I HATED being controlled or told what I could or could not do.  But there I sat the next day, hung over with an angry boyfriend and worst of all, the weight of guilt on my shoulders not remembering how the night ended.

So what was I getting out of purposefully being so defiant to any person I got close to?  I thought I was winning.  I thought I was proving that I was in control of myself.  But there I was at 2am with no control of myself at all really!

Remember when you were a child and your parents said “don’t run in the street!”?   As much as it was giving you “boundaries” it was to love, guide and protect you!  If I had the same heart as a child as I did as a young adult- I would have been run over by a car! 

So where does this fit in our adult lives?  God gave us commandments and he gives us whispers throughout the day of what his will is for our life- not to hurt us but to help us.  He loves us.  The same reason my parents said to stay out of the street is the reason God gives us nudges to walk a certain path.  As I got to know my God and realized he wanted nothing more than to protect me and lead me to the best place, I understood that obeying him was my best option for this life.  I needed to see obedience as a “caring” word rather than the dirty word I had always perceived it to be. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I am human and still have my days where I’m not always obedient and question God.  But then I feel the consequence of my disobedience and it only strengthens me to be a better woman.   

Psalm 128:1 says “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him.”  My obedience has blessed me.  The funny thing is, in my days of disobedience I was searching for freedom, but I’ve learned the more obedient I am, the more the Lord entrusts me with. And the freedom I was in search for has been given to me times ten!

So with that said… “Be blessed, be obedient.”

I’m not alone… I’m HIS girl.

I couldn’t bear the thought of “all by myself”, “alone”, “single.” 

            
             Who would I be all by myself?  If I wasn’t “blah blah’s girlfriend” then who was I?  If someone said something bad about me, I couldn’t refute it with “well so and so loves me, so what you say doesn’t matter!”  Because I’m alone and I’m nobody alone.”  Sound familiar?

 
             What a lie from Satan himself.  What wicked schemes he creates to keep us in sinful relationships and constant misery. I believed his lies. Almost every single one of them.  I would literally shake when I was trying to put toothpaste on my toothbrush in the morning after a breakup, so fearful of loneliness. I would go out every night to drink away my pain and at the same time hope to meet someone to fill my loneliness so I didn’t have to wake up alone again. It was a constant cycle that I knew I was in, from relationship to relationship, and I couldn’t get out.

           Then when my relationship with Jesus began, I read the words “he made me complete.” I finally started to realize who I was and little by little, day after day, my confidence grew stronger and stronger.   I started to realize that what other people had to say didn’t even matter anymore because Jesus had my back.  Now when someone had something to say about me I started to confidently tell myself “well Jesus loves me and that’s ALL that matters.”  I wasn’t facing life alone, I had the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit with me.  My worth, knowing that I was “Jesus’ girl” was so much more fulfilling then any man I thought I “belonged” to.  And that name has more power than any of my ex’s names.  

           I have found my number one.  My joy. My freedom. My peace. He will always be put above all men.  The man that comes into my life now will take his place underneath God and will happily understand that. God completes me, whereas my husband will be an amazing addition to my life.  My hope right now is that I am being a light for others and I am bringing others closer to their maker. But one day I know I will have someone who makes my testimony so much stronger once we join forces.  In the meantime, it’s me and God.  And like John Mayer said I’m “Perfectly Lonely.”