The Waiting Game > The Dating Game

So there I sat last week, excited that my day to finally date again was coming up, all of a sudden fear started not only to creep in but FLOOD! Where the heck did all this come from?

Let me start from the beginning. After I ended my most recent two year codependent relationship built on insecurities from the both of us, I promised myself I wasn’t going to date for 6 months. I was determined to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships and make sure I was whole and healthy for an amazing whole and healthy man.  But as old habits go, they don’t die easy.  After 3 months of singleness, (which was actually a long time for me, as opposed to my usual two weeks) I broke my promise and started doing the EXACT opposite of what I learned, “Let the guy pursue you. Let God bring the right man in your life. Don’t look for him- God will bring him to you.”  Well wasn’t a Facebook request good enough? That was pursuing me, right? Gosh he was cute…like REALLY cute. And he says he loves God! Ok, I’m interested!  We dated and boy did my impatience and disobedience bite me in the butt!  I don’t doubt that the guy loved God, but he also still loved his ex. And on top of that neither of us were as mature in our spiritual walk as we’d hoped to have the Christian relationship we sought after and I fell flat on my face and was left hurting. I reaped the painful reward from trying to make things work my way instead of Gods way. I was brought to my knees and I surrendered.  Just like that hand game “Mercy” we played as kids.  “Mercy, mercy- God do it your way!”  I picked myself back up and started over.  My 6 months became another 6 months.  And I can honestly say, I’ve been as obedient as one could be and now I've reaped the amazing rewards.

The last 5 months have been great!  I haven’t laughed this much or felt this free since I was 16.  I’ve grown.  I’ve moved out on my own and every night I sing to the top of my lungs without anyone yelling at me to shut up (Lol)! I’ve made unbelievable relationships with the opposite sex without any guilt.  And for the most part, I’m pretty healthy in every sense of the word.  I was even forced to face one of my biggest fears and watch my ex get into a relationship while I’ve been single (which was one of the main reasons I got into relationships so quickly in my past.) I thought I’d never survive that. Of course there was pain and it got a little messy but I’m still standing!

So where is this FEAR coming from?  Hadn’t I faced it all? Hadn’t I broken the cycle? All these negative thoughts like “what if I’m too picky and I miss the guy God has for me?”  “What if I’m not picky enough and I end up settling again? What if a friendship gets screwed up because of a date?” And the band of worries came marching in with their loud noisy selves.  I was putting all this pressure on myself.  I was putting all this pressure on dating and what would happen.  That’s when I reached out for Godly advice and like God said “seek and ye shall find.”  

The person gave me solid advice and then sent me a book about dating. I opened the first chapter and there were the words “We are called to love as Jesus loves.”  Powerful.  It expressed how dating to fulfill our own desires was not the way that Jesus loved us.  It said Christian love is about fulfilling the other person’s desires not our own and that dating a person before knowing that they are “the one” is selfish really.  It causes hurt, pain and more sin in the lives of both involved.  This shook me!  The author also drove home the point to put God first and then just hang out with the opposite sex, create true friendships, then God would one day make it clear to me who the one is that he has for me.  And that we would naturally get to the point where we would look at each other and say, “I want to date you to marry you.”  Immediately, I felt like pounds of bricks were lifted off my shoulders.  I felt God’s promise.  I felt him say “Trust me, there’s nothing you can do to miss the man I have for you.”

God doesn’t want us to worry. God wants us to pursue him and focus on him and allow him to do the work.  Waiting can of course cause us some pain but it breeds patience and brings God’s best. Whereas dating for the wrong reasons can cause a lot more pain than waiting ever did!  The waiting game is greater than the dating game. God won’t let you down. He promised. :) 

Deuteronomy 31:8- “GOD is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry."

 

Who does He say you are??

Paul said,  “Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?  Or am I striving to please men?  If I were still trying to please men then I wouldn’t be a servant of Christ.” (Gal. 1:10)  This verse reminds us that the only opinion that matters is God’s.  Right?

Ok. So I’m going to get really honest about a struggle of mine.  It’s hard to say because when you bare a weakness, you feel like you’re naked in front of the person you told your weakness to.   So here it goes….”I.care.about.what.people.think.of.me.”  Uh.  This may sound crazy but that’s actually really tough for me to admit. But anyway, maybe some of you can relate? Or maybe all of you? Let’s get really REAL with ourselves.  I know some people brag about how they don’t care what people think about them, but I tend to believe the ones who say that the most are the ones who mean it the least. 

I chose this topic tonight because I knew that it would resonate in a lot of people’s hearts and I also chose it because I am facing this obstacle as we speak.  I hear things about myself and my first line of offense is defense.  I want to fight back.  I want to attack.  And I don’t even want to stop there.  I want to get back at my offender.  Remind you of anyone yet?

In my heart, I know that no matter what I say back won’t change the words already spoken nor will it take my pain away. I’ve learned that it actually only makes me feel worse!  So why when someone slanders my name, do I still yearn to hurt them back knowing it’s just going to come back and hurt me? Even that “sticks and stones” rhyme we said as children says: “Whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you!”  As silly as that rhyme was, it was TRUE!

Ignore the words of others.  Like Paul said, their opinion doesn’t matter. God wants us to find who we are in Him.  He says we are “children of the most high”, “daughters and sons of the one true King,”  “precious,” we come from “royal bloodlines,” and the list goes on and on.  Whenever someone says something negative, remind yourself of WHO YOU ARE! Don’t allow the comments of others to pierce your heart.  Allow Gods Word to be your rock! Repeat to yourself at times like these, “On Christ the solid rock I stand!”  It’s tough, I know! But I also know it’s possible.

And lastly, when you keep a good heart during these times, God offered us this promise-

“and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.”  1 Peter 3:16

With that said, rest easy in God’s truth- not mans.

Dirty Word?

Obedience- That word!   A word I have always loathed.  It always seemed to keep me in a box- at least in my mind. I was one of those girls that didn’t like rules and felt no one should have authority over what I say, think or do.  I was a free spirit with the heart of a fighter.   Maybe because of the abuse I endured in my romantic relationships.  But the more “freedom” I exercised and the more fight I put up, the more I found I was hurting myself over and over AND over.

“Don’t tell me I have to leave the bar!”, “don’t tell me I’m not having another!”, “don’t tell me not to dance like that!”.  I HATED being controlled or told what I could or could not do.  But there I sat the next day, hung over with an angry boyfriend and worst of all, the weight of guilt on my shoulders not remembering how the night ended.

So what was I getting out of purposefully being so defiant to any person I got close to?  I thought I was winning.  I thought I was proving that I was in control of myself.  But there I was at 2am with no control of myself at all really!

Remember when you were a child and your parents said “don’t run in the street!”?   As much as it was giving you “boundaries” it was to love, guide and protect you!  If I had the same heart as a child as I did as a young adult- I would have been run over by a car! 

So where does this fit in our adult lives?  God gave us commandments and he gives us whispers throughout the day of what his will is for our life- not to hurt us but to help us.  He loves us.  The same reason my parents said to stay out of the street is the reason God gives us nudges to walk a certain path.  As I got to know my God and realized he wanted nothing more than to protect me and lead me to the best place, I understood that obeying him was my best option for this life.  I needed to see obedience as a “caring” word rather than the dirty word I had always perceived it to be. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I am human and still have my days where I’m not always obedient and question God.  But then I feel the consequence of my disobedience and it only strengthens me to be a better woman.   

Psalm 128:1 says “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him.”  My obedience has blessed me.  The funny thing is, in my days of disobedience I was searching for freedom, but I’ve learned the more obedient I am, the more the Lord entrusts me with. And the freedom I was in search for has been given to me times ten!

So with that said… “Be blessed, be obedient.”

I’m not alone… I’m HIS girl.

I couldn’t bear the thought of “all by myself”, “alone”, “single.” 

            
             Who would I be all by myself?  If I wasn’t “blah blah’s girlfriend” then who was I?  If someone said something bad about me, I couldn’t refute it with “well so and so loves me, so what you say doesn’t matter!”  Because I’m alone and I’m nobody alone.”  Sound familiar?

 
             What a lie from Satan himself.  What wicked schemes he creates to keep us in sinful relationships and constant misery. I believed his lies. Almost every single one of them.  I would literally shake when I was trying to put toothpaste on my toothbrush in the morning after a breakup, so fearful of loneliness. I would go out every night to drink away my pain and at the same time hope to meet someone to fill my loneliness so I didn’t have to wake up alone again. It was a constant cycle that I knew I was in, from relationship to relationship, and I couldn’t get out.

           Then when my relationship with Jesus began, I read the words “he made me complete.” I finally started to realize who I was and little by little, day after day, my confidence grew stronger and stronger.   I started to realize that what other people had to say didn’t even matter anymore because Jesus had my back.  Now when someone had something to say about me I started to confidently tell myself “well Jesus loves me and that’s ALL that matters.”  I wasn’t facing life alone, I had the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit with me.  My worth, knowing that I was “Jesus’ girl” was so much more fulfilling then any man I thought I “belonged” to.  And that name has more power than any of my ex’s names.  

           I have found my number one.  My joy. My freedom. My peace. He will always be put above all men.  The man that comes into my life now will take his place underneath God and will happily understand that. God completes me, whereas my husband will be an amazing addition to my life.  My hope right now is that I am being a light for others and I am bringing others closer to their maker. But one day I know I will have someone who makes my testimony so much stronger once we join forces.  In the meantime, it’s me and God.  And like John Mayer said I’m “Perfectly Lonely.”