All I Need to Know

Disconnected. That's the best way to describe it. For the last month or so, I felt this strange “unsettling” feeling in my core.  Back in the day, this was a normal feeling that I walked around with daily without much thought.  But since I turned my life over to God, I’ve walked with a peace that was unshakeable, so this unsettling feeling was much louder this time around.  What is going on?  Why am I feeling like this? God, are you here?

At first, I ignored it and went about my days.  I thought if I just continued praying and doing all my bible studies, showing up for church etc., that I would eventually feel like God was close to me again and it would just go away.  But, it didn’t.  Then one day the feeling became so overwhelming, I just couldn’t pretend anymore.  So there I was on my knees, hands folded, “GOD! I NEED YOU!  Why do I feel like this?  What is it you want to tell me?  What am I not hearing?  What am I not doing?”  Then I just went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, and like I do every morning, I laid there reading my morning bible app like “one eyed Willy” still having trouble opening my eyes for the day.  Then the bullets started coming at me from every direction.

First I read, “Salvation is found in NO ONE else, for there is NO OTHER name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” –Acts 4:12.

The next thing I did was log onto Facebook and I see “The only relationship that will complete you is one with Christ.” 

Then I walk into my bathroom to get ready for work, turn on music and the song “First” comes on.  The lyrics are “Before I bring my need, I will bring my heart.  I want to seek You FIRST.”  

ALL of these messages were hitting me HARD.  In the Acts verse- “Salvation is found in NO ONE else” spoke to me due to the thoughts that have consumed me lately, which I will get to in a minute.  And then the FB post about my relationship with God being the only one that will complete me and the song about putting God first, I realized were the answers to all my questions in my prayer from the night before.  Let me explain.

If you have been following my blog posts you know that my “no dating” rule that I put in place for myself was lifted this month and I was open to the thought of dating again if God gave me the green light.  I wasn’t out pursuing a relationship but I was open to God bringing the possibility of one- or “so I thought” that’s what I was doing. In reality, the only thing that I have been concerning my thoughts with is dating!

My prayers have gone pretty much like this lately- “Hi God! If blah blah is the one for me or if blah blah blah is, please make it clear to me. And if they aren't the one for me, please shut the door on it. And whoever my husband is let him see clearly when he meets me that I am his wife. Oh yea and thank you for everyone and everything in my life.  Amen.”  Alright, alright, they weren’t that dismissive but you get the picture. 

No wonder I was so off balance! The only thing God heard from me about for the last month was dating.  Gosh, how annoying I must have been! I didn’t ask God on a daily basis what he wanted FROM ME.  I just wanted his help.  I didn’t praise him the way I should or focus on His will for my life.  I was solely focused on MY WILL for my life.  “What would you have me do, where would you have me go and what would you have me say today Lord?”  All those words used to be part of my prayer but I left them out because I became so focused on my needs and wants.

How can I even follow God’s will for my life if I’m not focusing on him at all?  I can’t expect to be guided if I have tunnel vision. God reminded me that morning that he comes first and inevitably from that I would be on the right path and all the right people and things would be in my life. So there is no reason to put anything before him. Ask yourself, are you only taking one thing to God and not really having a true relationship with him? Are you not allowing him to work in your life because you are only focusing on your need? That is what I was doing.

So what did I learn when I finally got in prayer that night and asked God what he was trying to teach me? Let him lead. If God is first, there is NO way you can fail in any part of your life.  If God is first in your life, you will not miss his plan for your relationship, career, or any other important decision. And honestly, for the rest of my life, that may be all I need to know.